She's Got Legs!

So, this week's RHONY...what a craptacular train wreck, amirite? The Dowager Countess (because you just know she offed him) doing a British accent that would make Anne Hathaway cringe, poor sex-starved Sonja trying to mount the clock tower formerly known as Big Ben, Carole, clearly over these bitches, calling her agent to get her off of this god-damned show...there was something for everyone, and if you want all the details, read Sandy's full recap here. While I wouldn't normally tread on her turf, something happened this episode that was so amazing, so awesome, so stupefying, that it really does deserve its own post. And that something is LegGate.

See, born and bred Manhattanite Aviva, who you must never underestimate, lost her leg in a tragic farm accident when she was six, a fact that she mentions so often that Sandy and I have created a drinking game out of it. Leg. Drink! Anyway, while the Plastics are living it up in London (with Sonja playing the part of Karen Smith, obvs), poor Aviva is left to entertain Ramona, so they decide to go shoe shopping. Oh man, you guys. This scene. 

The scene begins in "confessional," where we know we're in for a treat, because Ramona (who "notices everything!") doesn't seem to be notice that Aviva wears shoes, and is awestruck that she needs to buy shoes. As is always the case with Ramona, a picture is worth a thousand words, so here goes...

Ramona and Aviva enter the store, just like people with all of their limbs and all of their brain cells would do.

Browsing around, Aviva picks up a pair of slingbacks that look as if they have been vomited upon by the rhinestone fairy.

While looking at this monstrosity, she mentions that she could never wear them, because slingbacks make her prosthetic slip (and she has taste). 

This brings out the owl eyes in Ramona.

Ramona immediately starts grilling her on what she can wear. "Can you wear an open-toed shoe? Can you wear a sandal? Mukluks? Moccasins? Mary Janes? Is that why you never wear those giant clown shoes that are all the rage? DO YOU HAVE FAKE TOES?" That's right, y'all, fake toes. Aviva explains that, yes, she has toes and moles and veins.

Uncharacteristically, Ramona does not let the subject drop, so Aviva offers to show her the leg. 

Ramona is dumbfounded.

Seeing Aviva's leg gives Ramona the "shivers," although that might just be the pinot withdrawal talking.

Ramona comes up with the great idea of having Aviva model her leg while Ramona pretends that she doesn't know anything (way to stretch, Singer).

Ramona, what do you think?

"I am telling you I would never ever know that that was a 'not your leg.' It looks like your leg."

Aviva mentions that she can wear it everywhere, even to the beach. "You go to the beach? Like in a bathing suit?" Yes, Ramona, she can even wear a bathing suit.

Aviva assures Ramona that, yes, she can swim wearing it, that she can do anything in it. I am going to go out on a limb and say she could even model in it.

In confessional, Ramona shares the lesson she has learned on this leg of her journey.

 "She has a limb prosthetic for high heeled shoes, one for flat shoes and - guess what! - a leg for swimming!"

Hey Ramona, you learned something new today! What are you going to do next?

Yeah, thought so.